Surgery and Childhood Trauma

***The big decision now behind me; “I am going to get well”, and now sitting in the unknown, I wondered what would come next. Interestingly, what came next was life opening opportunities to examine my life and reflect on my overall well-being.

Before I left my job, I had a scan done on my neck for neck pain, but found myself in my primary physician's office, learning that I had a growth on my thyroid. I was immediately referred to a surgeon who scheduled me for surgery. They removed half my thyroid and told me the cancer was completely contained within a nodule. There were no follow-up treatments, just yearly check-ups with the endocrinologist. How fortunate that a scan for another issue revealed the growth in my thyroid. This was scary, but resolved. It made me more determined to take care of myself and get well.

Some ideas around creating my own business began to bubble up. The idea is to be a consultant and trainer for early childhood professionals. I felt quite empowered by the idea and developed a business plan. In the meantime, I had acquired my daughter’s upstairs bedroom when she left home, and had a complete set-up for quilting and crafting. Now that I was home all the time, I began spending more and more time in my quilting and crafting room. Creating really made me feel better, and seeing the finished product made me light up inside. The room became more of a sanctuary at this time in my wellness journey. Creating became more prevalent in my life and truly was a container for my wellness journey with my body, mind, and soul. (WISDOM). The further along I went in my healing journey, the more this quilting and crafting room became a safe space for me to explore who I was and what I needed in my life, and it was a place to grieve what I had lost.

During the summer, I got a call from my brother that my mother was deteriorating and we needed to make some decisions. The year before, she had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. This led to the loss of her driver's license, then later in the year she had a fall, whcih forced her to sleep in her living room because she could no longer manage the stairs. It was time to move her to a retirement home with memory care, and a plan was made for the move. The day of the move finally came. I took her for a drive to her favorite place, then out to lunch. In the meantime, my brothers moved her belongings she would need to the memory care facility. I met them there, and we gently settled her into her own room. As we were leaving the facility, I had a palpable physical experience. As I walked down the hallway to leave the facility, I suddenly physically felt like 200 pounds had been lifted off my body. I knew this demanded further exploration.

When I arrived back home, I made an appointment with a psychiatrist to talk to him about my mother. My mother was a strict, aggressive disciplinarian who expected perfection from herself and her children. The psychiatrist told me my mother was most likely dealing with narcissistic personality disorder and obsessive-compulsive disorder. I knew when I left, it was time to address my childhood trauma. As I began to put all the pieces together, I realized why I had difficulty speaking up for myself and very low feelings of self-worth. I was angry for a long time. Facing childhood trauma is never easy, but the positive aspect was that my body reacted and sent me down a path of truly facing the trauma. As I continued my wellness journey, my physical body experienced many episodes while addressing and releasing my trauma. It was a necessary step in my wellness journey. The childhood trauma had affected my body, mind, and spirit. It felt like a darker path inside the labyrinth, but I needed to go there.

The rest of the year, I was motivated to create my business as a trainer and consultant for early learning providers. I created a name and a logo, really engaging my creative skills. Then I applied for an LLC license to legitimize the business. Once I received my license, I created business cards and started letting the community I live in know I was available for training and consulting. I was very excited to be starting a new venture in my life. It felt quite empowering because it was my own creation, and I had the skills to deliver great information to early learning providers because of my professional background. It wasn't long before I held my first training and registered 10 participants. It was a great beginning, and the feedback was great.

My wellness journey was underway, and stepping into the unknown at this point was giving me a lot of positive feedback and great empowerment that I was flowing in the way I was meant to.***